Hello everyone. Today, instead of posting pointless updates and news, I thought I'd take a moment to share some things with everyone. You don't have to read this, and that is fine. But I wish to share some personal thoughts about the choices I made and such.
When I was little I always loved to draw and do art. They were not good or anything, just your basic average kid skills, but I loved it none the less. For so long I had the dream of becoming a veterinarian, since I loved animals so much. I always drew them and made up fun stories to go with them. My mom was worried about me since I wasn't a social kid and often stuff me in wretched sports or dance classes to get me to come out of my shell. What I loved more were the art and cooking classes as a kid or doing summer reading. Yup, I loved books even back then.
As I went through school, I was still an antisocial person that continued to doodle and draw during class, since most of my notes held more pictures than actual notes and my tests had pictures rather than correct answers. Back then I still had hopes of being a vet until I actually understood the hardships and pain animals suffer. When I realized this I gave up on that dream and floated through middle school and high school without an actual goal. But even during these times I was still drawing and writing. Drawing on desks, books, homework, walls, and wondered what I would do with my life. I often got in trouble for drawing on the music sheets when I played cornet. I adored art classes more than my other subjects cause my art teacher was very supportive of my art and ideas. During high school my love for art expanded into photography and the beauty of still life. My favorite subjects were lively areas like the state fair. I was even a photographer in year book and had a two page spread of a photo I took in the senior year book. I was very proud. Still i was a quiet person who did not interact with others and preferred to draw. My teachers thought I was an emo since I could not relate with other kids my age. Probably thought I was disturbed or something. But I was just quiet and wanted my privacy. It was then, during my senior year of high school, that I chose my career when a culinary school came and told us about the fun and creativity of being a chef. So I immediately applied for culinary school after graduation.
My time in culinary school was tremendous fun and I learned so much and would not change it for the world. I still drew even then and actually I was in charge of sketching the design for the sugar display and helped come up with many ideas. My teachers liked my art designs and again encouraged it. But then I graduated and everything fell through. It was the start of the recession and the jobs they promised us after graduating never came to be. For two years I was unemployed and just drifted from one job to another. Again and again I found comfort in drawing and writing. And then I came to deviantart. It was mostly just a place I thought would be fun to post a couple couple fan fictions, here and there... but I never knew how much of a hit they were. I wrote many many fan fictions, enjoying the praise for my work and even adding a bit of art here and there. Many enjoyed them but I thought nothing of it. I had absolutely no confidence in my work but carried on with my art and even enjoyed rping. Then DA took down my stories and I was upset. Over time I lost my fans for my fan fiction and just sort of drifted along. I actually took some college art courses and even Japanese to continue learning new things. I even attempted to put an art piece up for auction, but got no bids. My lowest came when I worked for a grocery store. My depression consumed me and I lost my will to draw and write. I was miserable there and often held back the urge to cry day in and day out while working there. In my mind I had become worthless. A grown person working as a bagger and cart collector while all my other peers rose to cashier and other departments. I asked constantly for another position and they swore as soon as a spot opens up I could have it. Funny how every time there was they gave it to one of the teens. Finally I was able to escape the grocery store and into another job. It was then that I made a promise with myself. I realized the potential in my art and made a choice. I would make a comic and sell it at a con.
This in itself was a task, since I never made one before. But I researched and studied and made story boards and drew and drew until my hand ached. Many times I fell to tears wondering why I was doing this. But when the book was finally done and the printed copy was in my hands, did I know all my hard work paid off. Despite having only sold 3 copies I was very proud.
I apologize for this lengthy journal entry, but I wanted you to see what I did not for so long. All that time I was looking for a reliable career with proper income and ignored all my art skills. The reason I realized this was only after I was at my lowest when all else had failed. Today, after seeing I have been on DA 6 years, do I now understand the mistakes I have made. Like everyone else I wanted a stable career with a proper income. So I ignored my talent until the world took away everything else and opened my eyes. I AM AN ARTIST. No one even bothered to point out the possibility of a career in art to me, nor did I. Because I listened to everyone else and chose income over art. All this time it was there and I never even bothered to notice. Till now...
So this is a message to all other artists out there. Realize yourself. Acknowledge your skills and talents. Even if you don't make anything from it at least you're still doing what you love. Do not just throw it all away for stability and income. Because you will regret it like I almost did. It may sound cheesy, but i am serious when I say this. Listen to your heart. We have but one life. So ask yourself, is this what I want? Will you take the chance even if it means failure? In fact that doesn't even matter! There is no failure when you do what you love.
To all other dreamers out there. YOU ARE ARTISTS! NO matter what.